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Apr 30
Love0
The Losing Side of Keeping Score

The Losing Side of Keeping Score (& What to Do Instead)

By Relationship Dynamics 2 Comments

You track the stats of your favorite athletes and sports teams. You monitor your daily sleep and activity score on your watch or phone. Heck, you even tally points during a friendly game of Scrabble. Wouldn’t it also make sense to keep score in your marriage?

Most of us probably know the correct answer is no, but that doesn’t mean we don’t do it from time to time, even subconsciously. Maybe you’re keeping a mental tally of how often you’ve done one of your spouse’s usual chores, logging how much time they’ve spent on a solo hobby, or tracking how many times they’ve gotten up with the baby. Scorekeeping comes in many forms, but they all have one thing in common: Read More

Apr 23
Love0
3 Ways Flexibility Makes Your Marriage Last

3 Ways Flexibility Makes Your Marriage Last

By Resilience 4 Comments

Flexibility has always sort of been our thing. No, we didn’t come up with the concept, of course, but it’s one of the unique components of the Prepare/Enrich assessment. Part of the foundational research it’s built on comes in the form of the Couple and Family Maps. (If you’ve taken the assessment, you might be familiar with them!) We won’t get too into the details, but here’s the gist: the maps graph the levels of connection and flexibility in a couple’s relationship or the family they grew up in. The levels can be too high (chaotic), too low (rigid), midrange, or balanced. Research has shown that when flexibility is balanced, relationships are healthier and more resilient – and ultimately more likely to last. Here are three big reasons why: Read More

Apr 16
Love0
Marital Decisions - Who Gets a Say

Marital Decisions: Who Gets a Say?

By Family & Friends 2 Comments

As a couple, you and your spouse will face countless decisions. From the minor yet incessant “What’s for dinner?”, to momentous yet infrequent ones like “Should we move for this job?” The choices you’ll have to make together fall on both ends of this spectrum, and everywhere in between.

Sometimes the choice is easy. One or both of you have the knowledge that’s necessary to make a smart and informed decision, and you’re aligned on the desired outcome and the path to get there. Done and done. Other times, it’s not so cut and dry. Maybe you and your spouse are new homeowners facing some unavoidable repairs. Neither of you has much experience or insight on the topic, but your father-in-law is a contractor. How much should his opinion weigh in your decision? Or perhaps you have a very close relationship with your parents and like to consult with them on most of your bigger decisions. How much say do they get? How much is too much? What factors complicate these dynamics? What should your end goal be? Let’s explore. Read More

Apr 09
Love0
Breaking the Habit of Making Excuses

Breaking the Habit of Making Excuses

By Relationship Basics 3 Comments

Excuses, excuses. Everyone makes them from time to time, but no one really wants to be known as the person who always has an excuse. It can come off as immature, irresponsible, or defensive – not a good look. While making excuses gets you off the hook in the short-term, doing it habitually can prevent you from growing, evolving, or reaching your full potential in the long run – and it can have the same effect on your marriage.

Excuses can show up in different forms. We might make them for ourselves or for others. Typically we think of them in the context of actions or behaviors – why we did or didn’t do something, or for being or not being a certain way (“It’s just the way I am.”) Similar to defensiveness, making excuses is a defense mechanism that we use to protect ourselves from feeling inadequacy, criticism, shame, or guilt. Also like defensiveness, it can inhibit conflict resolution and perpetuate complacency, ultimately preventing you from being the best spouse you can be.

So what can you do if making excuses is driving a wedge between you and your spouse? Here are some steps to take. Read More

Apr 02
Love0
Planning to Prioritize Your Marriage

Planning to Prioritize Your Marriage

By Resilience 5 Comments

If you have children, you know how much planning goes into their wellbeing. You set their daily schedules, make appointments, and arrange childcare. You plan their birthday parties and register for summer camp months in advance. It seems non-negotiable – just part of being a parent.

You put lots of time, energy, and resources into making sure the upcoming months include what your kids needs to grow and thrive. Can you say the same about your marriage? Read More

Mar 26
Love0
4 Fresh Ways to Approach Household Chores

4 Fresh Ways to Approach Household Chores

By Relationship Dynamics No Comments

We call them household chores – not household fun activities – for a reason. They often feel like the main obstacle standing between us and what we really want to be doing. Plus, they’re constant. As soon as you finish one round of chores it’s time to start up another. If it feels like you and your spouse can never get ahead, you’re not alone. Not only do they add work to your individual plates, but when you’re not aligned on how to handle them, it can strain your marriage as well. If you need to breath some new life into this area, keep reading. We’re sharing four fresh ways to approach household chores. Read More

Mar 19
Love0
Scrap These Marriage Myths Today

Scrap These Marriage Myths Today

By Premarital, Relationship Basics 4 Comments

Are you engaged, newly married, or even just hoping to be one day? Chances are, you’ve probably got some preconceived notions about what marriage will be – or should be – like. It’s understandable. Whether it’s through TV, social media, or the internet in general, we’re inundated by different representations of marriage like never before. From the sensationalized and often short-lived celebrity marriages, to the dramatic ultimatums of reality shows, to the relatively normal marriage of your neighbors down the street, it’s hard to know what is actually real and healthy. You can jump in blindly, but having realistic expectations will help you feel happier and more empowered in your marriage. Let’s take a look at three marriage myths you should scrap today. Read More

Mar 12
Love0
Helping Each Other Recharge

Helping Each Other Recharge

By Relationship Dynamics 3 Comments

Do you have people in your life who require a lot of energy? Maybe it’s a friend who always has lots of drama going on and emotions to match, a family member who is always going 100 miles an hour, or a coworker who has always made you a little nervous. Whether you realize it or not, spending time with these individuals tends to leave you feeling a bit drained. It’s fine in small doses, but you’re always ready for an opportunity to recharge afterward.

And people aren’t the only things that can drain you. Your job, daily responsibilities, and the world around you can tap out your energy reserves in various ways, whether it’s emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually. At the end of a long day, you’re both ready to decompress. Are you and your spouse a source of renewal for each other, or do you unintentionally demand more energy from each other? How can you help each other recharge? How does this benefit your relationship? Here are some aspects to consider: Read More

Mar 05
Love0
Marriage Lessons from Social Media & Beyond

Marriage Lessons from Social Media and Beyond

By Relationship Basics No Comments

We’ll admit it. When it comes to discussing social media and its effects on marriage, we’ve focused mostly on the negatives. Distraction from being fully present, living vicariously through others, and getting caught up in comparison are some of the less-than-desirable impacts that tend to creep into your relationship and cause problems. But as with most things, it’s not all black and white. While there are pitfalls to watch out for, there are also a lot of positives that can come from social media as well.

For the sake of this post, let’s expand our definition of social media to include all of the different types of media we consume these days, such as podcasts, streaming platforms, etc. After all, everything is pretty much at our fingertips or just a click or scroll away. Plus, there’s lots of crossover between them – you hear podcast clips on TikTok and Instagram, reels on YouTube, you get the idea.

Now that those details are squared away, let’s explore some of the beneficial lessons we can reap from the media we consume on a daily basis. Read More

Feb 26
Love0
Calling Out the Unwritten Rules

Calling Out the Unwritten Rules

By Relationship Dynamics No Comments

Picture the scene: You and your spouse have just enjoyed a lovely dinner at your in-law’s house. You’re stuffed, but your mother-in-law just brought out dessert. You politely decline, and immediately get an elbow jab and a stern look from your spouse. You’re confused. You’re too full for dessert, and you don’t have much of a sweet tooth either. What’s wrong with saying no?

As you come to find out later – everything! You unwittingly broke an unwritten rule in your spouse’s family – you don’t turn down dessert. “Why not?” you ask. Your spouse shrugs. “I don’t know, you just don’t.” You make a mental note of it for the future.
Have you ever been in this situation? It’s like there’s an invisible playbook you need to follow. Once you know the plays, it’s simple enough, but learning them can be awkward, uncomfortable, and even cause conflict in your marriage and family.

While this is an example within one of your families, chances are there are unwritten rules within your marriage as well. Where did they come from? How did you learn them? What impact do they have on your relationship? Let’s explore. Read More

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